I’m doing better, I don’t know if you remember
-“Doing Better” by Fletcher
When I told you in December that you wouldn’t recognize me
After the glow up, I was learnin’ how to grow up
Had a wet dream then I woke up, I was on a stage with Miley
I felt like I was flyin’, I felt the stars alignin’
I always thought that if I ever got this high, I’d like it
I’m doing better, I’ve been lookin’ for my center
But my tummy still hurts, why does better feel worse? Ooh
February has come and gone once again. Being that it’s also my birthday month, as I’ve gotten older, it’s become a time of high emotions and feelings as well.
Like January, there was some melancholy in the air. Sometimes for reasons out of my control and I couldn’t detour, despite my greatest wish(es). And as far as the other reasons go, in my control but in order to remain so, I would have to confront current growing pains which even at my big age remains tough to do. But I am trying!
Thankfully, February was full of reminders and actions that showed me that I have my people who want nothing more for me than to be reminded me that am loved ❤
“Girlhood is a story of desire; innocence; fall from innocence; being desired; being not desired; being desired by the wrong people; by dangerous people; by the right people; by excitingly dangerous people.” -jenny zhang
I don’t know if I feel my new age just yet. Sure, my number is getting up there (ha!) but so is my desire to continue living a full life. I’ve been regarding my horoscopes a lot more too and cultivating more safe spaces and moments for healing and growth so I can remove anything debilitating and allow self-love to move in.
What’s funny about sharing these thoughts online is that anyone can see them. And that includes people who can come on here and make fun of me.
But we can’t let them “win” can we? As Mel Robbins has suggested and maybe you’ve heard the phrase, let them. Let them make fun of us. Let them come on here and lampoon my vulnerabilities, my image and my work. Let them be wrong. Let them keep up their cruelty on their own time. It’s says more about them than it’ll ever say about you and I.
Carry on.
I’m full of gratitude for all the moments that reminded me of my worth this year so far and the good laughs in-between. I’m also moved by all the reminders that I’ve got so much more to do. ❤
Here’s to whoever may be reading this and currently on the road back to themselves and not hurting anyone or themselves in the process.
“Two hands to Heaven I’ve prayed, priest forgive my soul
Lovely daggers pierced my heart many moons ago
Toxic roses chased by wolves and carnivores
Lost virgins with broken wings that will regrow”–II Hands II Heaven, Beyonce
Pop culture-wise, one of the films I saw this year at the theater was Sing Sing and it was incredibly moving! And Another Brooklyn by Jacqueline Woodson is my first five-star book of the year.
Lavish Rebellion [DOT COM] 
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