The reports that model (ANTM Cycle 3 winner)/actress Eva Marcille previously filed a restraining order against her boyfriend and father of her daughter Marley, has spearheaded the discussion and realization that especially in relationships, sometimes nothing is what it seems at all, and specifically with couples and individuals that look to be living the life.

I follow both Marcille and said boyfriend, artist Kevin McCall, on Instagram, so I was just as surprised as anyone else that follows them that there was trouble behind such happy pictures. I first read about it on black celebrity gossip sites, and I knew that concerning the subject matter, the comments would be an interesting mix of sympathy and tough love. Most expressed how shocked to hear of such trauma, considering they both just posted happy pictures together along with their child. They were definite sentiments of who would have thought, which was then challenged by others who, while not celebrities, briefly shared their own experience with “it looks good on paper”. Celebrity-wise, nice clothes, an awesome abode, and access to the finer things in life is not a good relationship make. Real-life wise, because somebody is cute or gorgeous and maybe often enough buys you things and supports you (more so financially) is not an excuse to treat that same person badly out of malevolence. I read a lot of these afterthoughts on the popular site Necole Bitchie, where despite its ties to the circus show of the media as a gossip blog, occasionally brings out the acute perceptiveness of its readers.

Most agreed. So many of us at one point have point with maltreatment of who are supposed to be our significant others, and what for? For the kids, out of loneliness, out of proving others wrong, out of the bottomless pit of second chances, out of guilt, out of so many reasons. Many pleaded for Eva to keep it moving if she had to go as far as placing an RO to protect little Marley. Yet we all know that’s easier to want than to do. You never understand until it happens to you. We’ve seen this epidemic of behaving as if life is perfect when it is not. Just look at the designer L’Wren Scott who sadly committed suicide in her own $6 million condo in New York City. Through her manicured representation to the fashion world and those in awe of it, her lavish trips and lifestyle spoke otherwise, but she was drowning in sorrow over her business and what seemed to be an overall burden of not being able to obtain self-love and control. Scott was a part of the in crowd of the world, and her departure was never imagined to be one of such desolation. Who knew she felt so down?

Concerning of wanting to project a picture perfect life, it’s an hard act to obtain day in and day out. Happiness is a progress. Forgiveness takes courage. The willingness to change after a big mistake or set-back takes self-reflection. Eva, and maybe even Kevin, shouldn’t be ridiculed for trying to make it work and seem everything is fine. They do have a child now. Trying to make it work for Marley comes first. Yet the trappings of “we’re so happy” and “look at how well he treats me” (in public, or when that person is in the mood), are too daunting when the story changes behind closed doors. Lots of Necole Bitchie’s commentators wrote on how past circumstances and vicariously through others have taught them, even if the hard way, that it’s imperative to take things slow if there evident bumps in the road. And putting on that happy show for the world to admire and even envy you of? Is it worth it even if you’re still crying yourself to sleep at night. I guess there’s something to be said for not letting them see you sweat, but still…

-C. Shardae Jobson