Here we go again. The media’s perpetuation of the same double standard, sexist curriculum. On the outside they pretend to care about the wage gap between men and women and the influence of an over-sexualized society on young girls, but rear their ugly intentions of jumping on the bandwagon of abhorrence when they’ve contributed to another cycle of men getting away with despicable behavior.
This time, we’re going to center on dating and how sometimes the unfortunate acts of cheating and denial are interplayed into it all. Even when the man has evidently done wrong, it is the woman that is left to be scrutinized with the over-sized magnifying glass (with questions) of how they got over, what made they stay, thoughts on how it all went wrong, or what they could’ve done differently.
VH1.com willingly chose to participate in this cycle of sexism when they published a cockamamie list of ten side chicks associated with hip-hop music and artists. As an innard of “urban” or hip-hop popular culture, the phenomenon of the bubble that pits the side chick against the main chick, and the other, other side chick is right up there with the “bitches” and “(guys)” be like memes that have overtaken hip-pop culture. Granted the hilarity of some those memes are chuckle-worthy, but after the guffaws die down, you think “But, damn…”
For those not into this “hip-pop”, you may be unbeknownst to this, but on every black celebrity blog and today’s version of blaxploitation (“Love & Hip-Hop”) the “side chick/main chick” dilemmas are a focus point that has definitely, for the worst, intrigued hip-hop backed publications and media outlets out of pure hokum. Even some of your favorite of color celebrities have also fallen victim to the circus through songs, reckless interviews, and personal social media accounts and it hasn’t shown signs of decreasing quite yet. If you’ve noticed, there isn’t much talk of how the guys involved in these terrible situations play a major role as the ringleader.
One chosen woman of VH1’s slow news day list called the network’s website out on her Instagram, expressing embarrassment and disappointment at such torrid coverage. What “Get Your Own Man! The Ten Side Chickiest Side Chicks in Hip-Hop” (already the language is terrible from the jump) exposed is that whether it is man or woman at fault, society is quick to point the finger at ONLY the woman or in being concerned in scandalizing the woman’s side of the story.
While whether or not a person knows or doesn’t care to be on the side is another four page article and this is not in defense of that. VH1’s deplorable showcase of journalism is what’s really wrong. Because they were bored, in the process, they too allowed men to get away with being reptilian while sexism once more tried to belittle and slut-shame or human-shame the women.
They are all these tips online from boisterous New York radio stations and brash advice sites that suggest side pieces should always “know their place”. Knowing their places includes keeping a distrustful man happy and to fade into the background. Hmmmm. So shouldn’t the man know his place in not being intimate with anyone but the woman or girl he’s in a relationship with? Should he not know his place in that a real man doesn’t need to play musical chairs if he is already tied to one? Should he not know his place in that even if tempted to cheat, it’s his job to tell myself, “I got a girl”?
So these girls were apparently or definitely side chicks of these hip-hop stars. Alright. So what makes the man, the ringleader of such rosters, so innocent? Why once again are men left nearly unscathed? It’s disgusting and deplorable and is why despite all the measures women have got through to be viewed as equals and so many of us can quote Maya Angelou’s stay strong, stay fierce quotes, as a whole, there seems to be an invisible agreement that because men will be men and because we don’t expect much honor and respect from them as a species. Of course he has a side chick. HE’S A MAN. The reality is, the man sharing himself all over town and the woman, or person, that agrees to be the side are BOTH to blame. Some people become side pieces by accident. This is also a reality. Some people, and many men, lie. Usually, eventually they get caught because the person that is currently in the long-term relationship with them will likely will wise-up that something just ain’t right.
When did it become acceptable that men in America, and in the hip-pop community to act like pro-polygamists? And is this an obsession in just black America, or people of color communities? While we can name a handful of Caucasian celebs with similar blow-ups in the media, this is literally a topic of conversation on the hip-pop blogs and it lampoons women as the core of the problem while the men are excused. The main chick pops off on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook at these so-called side chicks, claiming he’ll never bother to leave a woman he can’t be without, looking as foolish as the one that agreed to play second fiddle in the first place, while the man sits back drinking a beer because both weeks he was loved and hated by the women, or toys, in his life and both weeks, he most likely got his sexual fix and pulled a fast one. Like, the audacity of a song with lyrics like “these hoes ain’t loyal”. And why aren’t these hoes loyal? Were did they learn this behavior from?
No one is excusing anyone, man or woman, that is open to being on the side. That’s just as gross as the cheater that has no respect for trying to make relationships work for the better. The big point is, if VH1 was willing to waste their time in making a side chicks list, where’s the Top 10 Males Whores of Hip-Hop list at? Oh, there isn’t one? Why? Maybe because we would be here all day. If VH1 found it fit to make a “side chicks” list, make a list for the men that chose to have one since it’s obvious the these men obtain a sense of entitlement that whatever woman they want, they can have, even if that means hurting someone or multiple people down the road. Yes. People make mistakes. I’m sure they’ve got stories to too.
What does having a wife or long-term girlfriend and then exercising the desire to then entertain another at the same damn time say about them? Or maybe, does it matter, since it’s apparent men don’t get punished as badly as women do, even when they have done incredibly wrong.